It’s not worth it. I don’t deserve this heavy feeling in my heart. I want to be happy, and I already block myself from that enough. I don’t need anybody else getting in the way.
A little less than a human being.
It’s not worth it. I don’t deserve this heavy feeling in my heart. I want to be happy, and I already block myself from that enough. I don’t need anybody else getting in the way.
honestly it scares me how little i care about the things that used to mean everything to me.
maybe the situation has changed, maybe i have.
real facts right now pictures of couples together living their lives spending all the time with each other, i just hope they know like how lucky they are. these pictures just fill me with rage and jealousy and sadness not because i’m not happy for them but because they get to be with their significant other and i don’t because distance and because stupidness and dumb
i’m sad and lonely and unhappy with myself and my eyes are going back and forth between being ridiculously dry for some damn reason to crying because relationships of all kinds are making me emotional tonight and i just want to be held in my bed right now idk lots of things man
When I wake up in the morning I look in the mirror, I stretch my arms over my head and take a deep breath, which tends to suck my stomach in. This is the only time I feel decent. When I don’t have food inside me yet and my body is stretched out so my stomach looks flatter, and my boobs are perkier. The slight bit of confidence goes away as soon as I stand normally again. The whole process makes me overwhelmingly sad.
My feeling better is solely dependent on myself and my choices. I need to surround myself with positive energy and do what I feel is right so that I can be happy. It might mean being a little bit selfish, or changing certain situations, but I will do it if that’s what it takes. I need to find the strength to make myself feel whole, and the courage to take the necessary steps to get to the place, and emotional state that I need to be at in my life.
I’m starting to realize that there is about a 99% chance I will spend my life sad and alone. That this is not some “bad time” I’m going through. I’ve felt this way since at least middle school with some small moments (maybe a matter of minutes) where I didn’t feel so alone. This might actually just be how my life is. Some people are meant for happiness and fulfilled relationships and love, and I’m meant to be depressed and alone, forever.
I’m sad and I feel so completely ugly and I’m really lonely and I just want a cigarette.
Something that has really been bothering me lately is that i have nobody to talk to about my relationship. If something exciting happens or anything at all, I want to share it because it makes me happy. But I can’t. I’m not going to bring up my relationship if people don’t ask, because I don’t want to be that person who is just always talking about their significant other. So I end up not saying anything, which makes me sad because for the first time ever I have a relationship that actually means a lot to me and makes me happy and I have no one to tell that to. Today my friend asked, “How’s Sam?” and I was so excited and before I could even get anything out my friend changed the subject. The only time anyone will even ask anything is to find out if we’re still together. Like, maybe you’d know we were still dating if you ever cared enough to let me talk about it. It upsets me because if my friend is in a relationship, I genuinely care and want to hear everything they are comfortable with telling me. Like, I see this relationship makes you happy and I want you to be able to share that with someone. But is this ever returned to me? No. Nobody gives a shit, nobody asks. I’m definitely someone who prefers listening to other people, but once in a while I want to be like, hey I have something that makes me happy can I tell you about it? I don’t know, just gets me sometimes.
