i hate feeling like i’m in a constant state of change. i want to feel settled.

idk I’m really happy right now and I want to remember that

how do you not give up? how do you not give up when everything from day one has fucking been against you? how do you not see all the shit you’ve been through, all the shit you’re going to go through and not throw in the fucking towel? i don’t fucking know

all the people that make me feel loved are so far away and i can’t figure out how to love myself and i’m tired of feeling disposable. i don’t want to feel empty anymore. i don’t want this heavy feeling in my heart. i don’t know what to do anymore.

ugh why does the past hurt so much. like even though you’ve lived through it and conquered it, it’s like brought up again and your fucking heart hurts like the first time like how fucked is that



how is it possible to miss someone this much? and like sleeping alone and waking up alone? not for me. 

This is the end of a letter I wrote to myself when I was 17, 6 years ago

This is the end of a letter I wrote to myself when I was 17, 6 years ago

I cried all my make up off twice and I’m home again but i don’t know what home is anymore honestly because the home I knew is gone and I feel like I’m gone and I don’t know who I am now and everything is terrible

dude I just got so sad because I read a post talking about summer vacation and for a second I felt the way I felt when I was in like elementary school and it was summer vacation and if that’s not the saddest shit thinking that now I’m out of college and it’s been years since I felt that way and I just want to cry

basically everything is really weird and sad and confusing right now and it’s absolutely terrible

trying to pretend everything isn’t falling apart while simultaneously trying to put the pieces back together without making it obvious that everything is broken is one of the most confusing and heartbreaking things I’ve ever had to deal with

I’m going through this terrible point in my life where nothing feels right and I feel completely lost and alone and empty and I’m breaking down but I can’t go to anyone because everyone is going through something right now and I don’t want to be selfish. Even though all I want is for someone to genuinely ask me if I’m okay or comfort me even for a second because it hurts to feel this way and I’m not fucking strong enough to comfort myself because I suck. But god am I struggling and I don’t know where to find my strength.

oh no I’m getting really sad like all over sad and deep in my chest sad and I don’t know what to do

i get really mad when people say derogatory things about women esp with recent events but i have no idea what to do when i start seeing that one of my friends is one of those people saying that shit…it makes me so sad and so how am i friends with someone who can think or say such terrible things? idk just wow